Up until now stepping on stage in a tiny purple bikini after losing 70 pounds and having a baby was the scariest thing I had ever committed to do. It was vulnerable and felt like something "other people do" but certainly not me. In many ways as the days tick by and my first 100 mile ultra marathon nears the unknown, the nerves--they remind me of the week of my very first show 10 years ago.
I'm lightly antsy, my brain feels foggy, and I am boiling over with anticipation.
Whereas 10 years ago I was hungry and worried about how I would look on show day, today I feel over-fed and worried about how I will perform on race day. The similarities and differences are entertaining in so many ways. I am gearing up to do something many don't understand. That is the same. I am going to be out there for 24-30 hours, that is different. But I can fall back on how many times I have proved to myself even something that feels impossible can be possible. That is the same.
During my last Zoom call with my coach, Anne, she asked me to list some of my concerns or areas in which I feel less confident. At the end of our call, she said, "You have gone through a lot of really hard stuff in your life already. Running with a sore hip is nothing in comparison. Just remember that."
I don't know exactly which hard things she was referring to when she said that. But I thought of a few--none of them having to do with running. All of them more difficult than running.
This weekend I am going to run 100 miles. Why? Because one day I thought it sounded like an impossible thing to do and the moment I said to myself, "I could never do that," became the day I had to try.
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